How to Translate What I Write Into Something Awesome

Slow down. Slower. I have to whisper these words to myself countless times as I type. I’ve got a problem, simply put. I think way too fast, and my fingers can’t keep up. It usually translates into incomprehensible rants when I post. I try to go back over it before I post, and I usually catch lots of instances where I start a thought, then have another pop up and I immediately start typing about that. It’s a good thing I don’t try to use the internet for debate anymore. I don’t think I could make a single point, were I to try to make a subtle, nuanced, argument about something I’d just be out of luck.  I’ll go back and re read posts I’ve made, or even worse, comments I’ve made on other people’s posts, and not know what the Hell I was trying to say.

I think what happens is that as my mind moves on to the next point, my fingers are playing catch up the whole time, always falling further and further behind. So if I were to try to make some salient point by drawing out a longish metaphor about how writing is similar to, say, making friend rice. I might have this vague plan in mind to each ingredient of my fried rice recipe to a corresponding component to telling a story.  So, in an effort to amaze you all, I’d begin with the rice, comparing it to the plot, explain how the rice by itself is just texture, offering very little flavor or sensory appreciation on its own, yet still manages to be the most important component – because when poorly prepared, no amount of additional ingredients, no matter how expertly prepared, can salvage the dish.

Then I’d probably move on to talk about the onions, how they subtly flavor the whole dish, and how that might be like using a particularly potent emotion can flavor the whole story, no one wants to cry through their entire meal because some moron butchered an onion and dumped it on your beautiful rice. In the same way, no one can sustain a whole, novel length piece without some other flavors in there. Can’t spend 10 hours crying in front of a book, it’d be awful.

Whatever, you get the idea. So, how would I write something like that? Probably like this:

Writing is like fried rice. You know, but onions can make you cry, so don’t do that. Also, plot is like rice. I hate Burger King.

Yep, that’s looks pretty close to what I’d write. So, through the workday especially, I pop by folk’s blogs and leave inane comments – know that I was in a hurry, doing it in down moments at work, and probably typed it on my phone using only my thumbs. You’ll just have to take the stupid, and see the brilliance that was intended.