The Habits of a Super Successful Reviser

JK ROWLING ONCE SAID something about Harry Potter. I don't know. I'm told that having the first few words of a post be something search engines like helps draw traffic to a post. We'll see.

Regardless Saturday, Jan 25, 1:02 p.m. eastern time. I've been working on yet another revision of my never to be finished novella/novel (it's really close here) and I figured I'd take a break to show you how hard it is to actually revise something.

9:22 a.m. - I awake. Extremely late for me. I have been sleep deprived for weeks and it's finally caught up with me. I'd intended to have been working on my revisions for at least since 8 this morning. I'm already behind my daily goal.

9:26 a.m. - Crap, I remember that my son has to be at work at 10 this morning. No point in starting now. I decide to read instead.

9:46 a.m. - Double crap. I remembered I was supposed to have awoken my son. Who didn't get off work until 12:30 a.m. the previous night. I wonder if this is entirely legal for my underage son to work these hours. I decide to not rock the boat, but wake him up.

9:52 a.m. - How it can take a kid an hour and a half to get ready for school, but 6 minutes to get ready for work, is beyond me. We drive to his work in a blinding snowstorm, it's actually very pretty. The snow is like sand blowing across the road. It doesn't snow here that much, and we almost never, ever get the super cold, sand-like snow.

10:10 a.m. - I'm back. The wife is up. I tell her not to disturb me, I've got revisions to do. I also promise her that this will all be worth it when the sales of this book are bringing in an extra $5k a month.

10:12 a.m. - I recall that I haven't checked my sales totals recently. I take a peek. Turns out I have sold a copy of War Angel recently. Somehow, my least favorite story written continues to make consistent sales. Albeit, very slow sales, but still, much more consistent than my other stories.

10:16 a.m. - I look at story, I have characters working on a log cabin in the 18th century wilderness. I realize that they have no access to things like nails, or metal. I had already described a door and wondered how it would work with no hinges. Decide to look up building techniques for colonial era cabins.

10:33 a.m. - I've somehow ended up watching a video of a baby polar bear taking its first steps. It's so cute.

10:55 a.m. - Twitter is very interesting this morning. Did you know JFK's last words to his wife were something along the lines of "Don't wear those glasses."?

11:16 a.m. - Realized being alone in the house with the missus is an opportunity not to be wasted.

11:18 a.m. - Back at computer. Ready to work. I haven't had breakfast yet. I decide on a V8. Trust me, it's the calm before the storm. I'll probably eat a whole camel and 17 decorative soaps before the day is over.

11:24 a.m. - Back to story research. So, I've decided that the cabin was made in the Swedish style. I decide all that door description has to go. No hinges, no sophisticated tools to craft anything that intricate. Unless my tough guys can punch a piece of wood until it agrees to become a working door it won't be happening.

11:26 a.m. - I'm pretty sure I missed something with the research. I decide to go back to make sure I'm not missing something.

11: 34 a.m. - Hey! Someone posted a comment on my post at the Indie Writers Monthly blog from early this morning (it was scheduled already, I didn't work on it this morning). I check it out.

11:37 a.m. - Comment isn't that special. But then I get a vague sense of guilt because I should have commented on some comments somewhere. And then I wonder if I've visited back everyone I was supposed to this week. I decide there's no time like the present.

11:51 a.m. - I'm so hungry. But can't worry about that now. I have a story to work on. Except, I'm not sure I can focus on a story without eating. It is almost lunch time. I've decided to go get a hamburger when...

11:52 a.m. - My mother calls and volunteers to make a stew for lunch. It sounds amazing and invite her over to use our kitchen, because I'm lazy. Also, I can work on my story while the wife and the mother cook. It reminds me of something else I learned the other day, the Old English for 'Bride' means cook. I remind my wife of this.

11:53 a.m. - My jaw hurts. Wife disagrees with history.

12:02 p.m. - Wife decides to take nap. Probably in retaliation to the 'bride' comment. My stew will have to be eaten later.

12:26 p.m. - I realize I have no idea where the past 24 minutes have gone. Then I remember that I used my phone to surf the web and check emails and twitter. It's all identical in content to my computer, but formatted differently. Don't ask me to explain it, it's a mystery to me why I can lose 20 minutes this way. Stupid phone.

12:28 p.m. - Am worried that story protag is way too passive. His call to action comes near the story's climax. I realize I've no hope of telling *this* story any other way. After two plus years of work, am thinking of chucking it.

12:34 p.m. - Can't chuck it. I've sworn I'm doing this. I'll just make this character aggressively passive. You know, I don't know. I suck. I hate writing. I should watch a movie.

12:45 p.m. - Tweet something about the day's productivity:

Oh, I've been writing all morning. Total words: 0. Websites visited: 31
— Rusty Carl (@Rusty87d) January 25, 2014

12:55 p.m. - Realize that I have no posts of my own scheduled for the upcoming week. Remember that I enjoy doing these diary posts, and decide to take a break from working and work on this instead.

1:57 p.m. - I've still not eaten. I've been doing this post for one hour. Mostly fact checking. Did I really comment on a blog at 11:34? The timestamp on the blog disagrees with me. Whatever. Screw that. I'm telling you I did do it at 11:34. Done.

AND THAT MY FRIENDS, is exactly why I love doing revisions, and why it's been this one story for the past 2 plus years.

"Hmmm... a 2000 year-old demon falls in love with a 16 year-old girl.  Science tells me the plot is perfect."

What if I Kept a Diary?

I’ve been inspired, of sorts, to live healthy. Now, it was a spur of the moment decision, so I have had some stumbling blocks.  But I figured I would spell out a bit of what it was like to be me for a day.

Sunday night, my wife and I drew a line in the sand and decided Monday was going to be day 1 of our new life. No more poor diet and no exercise. The plan? Monday morning, up early to make a healthy breakfast and to take extra time to pack a healthy lunch and a gym bag so I can go workout on my lunch hour.

6:15 a.m. – Alarm goes off. Wife points out that she has to leave for work in 30 minutes. There isn’t enough time to cook. We go back to bed.

7:00 a.m. – Wife has already left for work. I get up and find my stomach is upset. I spend the next hour in the bathroom. Cursing the ethnic food I ate the night before that did this to me.

8:00 a.m. – I text my boss to inform him that I’m, er, indisposed at the moment, and am not at work. I tell him to expect me soon.

8:30 a.m. – after a shower and change of clothes, I rush off to work. I did not take my gym bag. I did not eat breakfast. I’m very hungry. I do grab a lean cuisine from the freezer on my way out the door.

8:55 a.m. – I arrive at work. Too hungry to think properly. I go to vending area and get a relatively healthy almond nut bar. 160 calories, more sugar than necessary.

9:02 a.m. – First meeting of the day hasn’t quite started. I notice a few dozen cupcakes by my desk.

9:17 a.m. – meeting over. I avoid temptation and eat my almond nut bar. Those cupcakes stay on my desk.

10:30 a.m. – the lady who brought the cupcakes and set them on my desk (because of it’s awesome, centralized location) encourages me to have one. I resist. However, the almond nut bar I had earlier was really small and I’m hungry enough that I’m getting a headache.

11:29 a.m. – I can’t take it anymore. I get up to go to a restaurant for lunch. I remember I have my lean cuisine. I curse. Then go warm it up in the microwave.

11:38 a.m. – I’ve eaten my lunch. I’m still very hungry.

11:45 a.m. – I have a cupcake. It’s peanut butter. It’s homemade and very good.

12:36 p.m. – I have another.

2:24 p.m. -  and another.

3:55 p.m. – and another.

5:00 p.m. – cupcake lady comes by, sees few remaining cupcakes and decides to take them home. Her departure kept me from eating another one.

5:15 p.m. – Still very hungry. Also have the shakes from too much sugar. I return to vending area for food. I intend to get a snickers bar.

5:18 p.m. – I hate our snack vendor. There are no snickers bars. There are no milky way caramel. I decide I’ve had way to much sugar already. I decide to skip the three musketeers and eat a handful of almonds instead.

5:26 p.m. – I lick the salt from the almonds and dream of eating meat. I wonder if a filet mignon burger is a real thing. I wonder what bread you could put on it. I decide I want one. 

5:28 p.m. – I decide putting ketchup or mustard on filet mignon would be a travesty. I consider other possible condiments. I’m thinking hollandaise sauce might work. Or a garlic butter. Or both.

6:09 p.m. – I think that if I’m served salad tonight, it will be made up of 80% dressing. And topped with breaded meats. In fact, I might get Chinese food, something like sesame chicken (minus the sesame sauce) and just drop the chicken over the salad.

6:10 p.m. – I realize I’d be an idiot to not use the sesame sauce. Maybe I can invent a new kind of salad too. To be served before my filet-o-burger. I also remember that I was going to work out today.  

7:05 p.m. – I get home to find that my wife is making some Asian dish that is very similar in form to a lettuce wrap. Actually, it is a lettuce wrap. She has veggies cut, sauces all over the counter, and cooked meat (ground chicken) already browned. I decide immediately that I need to help.

7:40 p.m. – I’ve ruined supper. Apparently, throwing in half a shaker of five spice is a bit much. After putting the food in the strainer and rinsing it thoroughly with water, it’s still not eatable. We have to throw it out.

8:49 p.m. – I have drank most of a 2 liter of soda in an attempt to get that feeling of fullness that I need. I’m still hungry, but gassy to boot. I call the day a failure and hope to do better tomorrow.*

* Since I wrote this later in the week, I can tell you that I most definitely do better the next day.