The Thing About Adverbs

In my last post, I made a snarky comment about the suckage of adverbs. Actually, I made mention of the fact that 87% of all writing advice on the internet boils down to not using them. A host of comments about said advice got me to thinking about why they're not so good. And then it hit me.

Adverbs suck because they are like nuclear energy, an answer to some problems, but also a weapon of mass destruction. Here, let me explain my thought by example.

Jimmy ran down the hallway.


Okay, in the previous sentence we learn something interesting about Jimmy, he was running. The sentence serves its purpose by conveying essential information about the character, namely that he is running. In a vacuum this is fine, but perhaps there is more going on here, you know, subtext. So, in the hands of our nameless author this becomes an opportunity to insert something subtle into the scene.

Jimmy ran plaintively down the hallway.


There, now it's all literary.Of course, the problem with something like that is I, the reader, have no idea what in the world to conjure up as a mental image now. What does plaintive running look like? I think the mythical writer is trying to be more descriptive, more precise, but instead, they confused matters. Adverbs, they may not suck in of themselves, but they really go a long way towards making things worse when used indiscriminately.

How should that sentence read? Well, I have no idea really. If I were to try my hand at writing a sentence that told that someone was sad, and running, then I would probably expand it into two sentences.Like this:

Jimmy tore down the hallway as fast as he could, his arms and legs pumping like pistons in a revving engine. He blinked back his tears and tried not to wonder if he was too late.


Granted, I've never been much of a wordsmith, and if I were to really try to improve on it I'd probably drop the simile altogether and maybe throw something else out there about his heart racing or something.

But the point is that single word, plaintively, sought to convey a lot of information but made things worse - probably have been better off if it were just nixed. If my melodramatic version was too much, then I'd rather just say 'he ran'. I'd rather be a bit too bland than over the top.

But like many powerful weapons, adverbs are enticing, and they hold so much power that it can be hard to resist. Then they blow up and you've irradiated your whole story. So, like gun safety, sometimes it's just easier to say to avoid them altogether instead of using them wisely.

That's my take anyway. Do with it what you will.

Adverbs again? Don't make me do more math.

Advanced Writing Tips

I write, but don’t like to write about writing too much. There are plenty of folk who actually know what they’re talking about that have tons of good advice, some that have a touch of bad advice, and an assorted few that, if you were to do what they say, might ruin you.

I think I’m more like the latter of the three.

I’ve seen so many lists of things to be avoided I couldn’t possibly count them all – but then I read a bestseller and I see almost all those ‘don’ts’ done over and over again by folks like George R.R. Martin, J.K. Rowling, Patrick Rothfuss - bestseller’s all - then it dawns on me; Those rules don’t really matter, well, they do, but not as much as we’d all like to think. I think I’ve figured out the big secret.

It’s all about the story. It trumps everything. Using cliché’d dialog can be annoying, characters that behave stupidly is infuriating. But of those three authors I mentioned above, all have moments that make me frustrated, in the case of Patrick Rothfuss, I find I roll my eyes a lot. But I keep reading. And so do lots of other folks. Why? Because they tell great stories.

But, I do read a lot of those helpful tips and have been collecting them mentally, trying to summarize the thousands of posts I’ve read over the course of my time on the internet, then I mixed them with my own personal wisdom and have finally summed them up into a few short do’s and don’ts.

Do’s:

Write something awesome

Don’ts:

Write something awesome that contains adverbs. Adverbs cancel out awesome. It’s math. An exception can be made if you use awesome adverbs, but those are rare.

You can thank me later.

Well, who would have thunk? The math adds up, adverbs do suck