I’m back. Wait, did you even know I was gone? Well, I was. Now I’m back. I spent a week and a half gallivanting through the South in the car with the family. Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas. I came away with a few thoughts.
1) Alabama has the worst bathrooms in the United States. Period. This cannot be questioned. If you doubt me, drive through the state and stop to use the restrooms while there.
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| This isn't the only one, either. |
2) Texas has the most insane speed limits I’ve ever seen. 70mph through neighborhoods? Believe it. Folks are putting out their trash and mowing their grass in what looks a lot like the middle of a Nascar Track. Scary.
3) Louisiana has the worst traffic management when doing road work I've experienced. I drove through Baton Rouge and we got stuck in the worst traffic jam I’ve been through, maybe ever. Cars were backed up for miles and miles, bumper to bumper, at a dead stop. Why? Because someone decided to repaint the stripes on the road. 4 lanes were shut down for this. Not cool, Louisiana, not cool.
4) I put more than 2000 miles on my car. Damn.
5) I got burnt, despite copious amounts of sunblock AND spending most of my time outdoors underneath a parasol.
6) I probably shouldn’t have used the word parasol. I think it undermines my Action Hero image.
7) I bet I don’t have an Action Hero image anyway. But the parasol thing isn’t helping me cultivate one. And I should probably stop talking about it.
8) Also in Texas, apparently it’s cool to have a slaughterhouse right there in your back yard. Complete with bloody tools. And they wonder why they have a reputation for chainsaw massacres.
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| Not creepy at all! Now hand me that bloody sawblade. |
So, in conclusion, if you’re in Texas, the speed limit is 70 pretty much anywhere you go, probably because if you stop, you’re going to be near someone wielding an axe of rifle. So the powers that be decided it's best to just keep you moving.
In Alabama, don’t stop to use the restroom.
In Louisiana, make sure you’ve used the restroom before you get there, because they’ll keep you in traffic for as long as they can.
In Georgia or Mississippi, well, I’ve not got anything to say about them. I enjoyed my trip, but it’s good to be home.
