Monday, October 31, 2011

Poo City!

It's Halloween! I hope this post scares you like no other. This, as well as I have been able to determine, is true. Which of course makes it even more scary. Of course, I wrote this last week, and intended to put it out there as a stream of consciousness experiment - not intending it as a Halloween post, but whatever.

I hate being out of the loop. Well, I hate being out of the loop when I want to be in the loop. Sometimes it’s just the slight I feel by not being included, like when everyone you work with gets invited to a party and when you find out they say, “Oh, I’m sorry. We just thought you wouldn’t be interested.”

Duh. Of course I’m not interested, that’s not the point. I want to be invited so I can reject YOU.

Wait, this is going off the rails here right at the start. Let me back up. I learned recently that the city of Oslo, Norway, has been running their city busses on human poo for the past 2 years.

I had no idea.

I’ve missed two whole years’ worth of jokes and puns. The mental images alone will be priceless. Jokes tend to work better in person, it’s tough to get the nuance right when it’s being written down. This is real world knowledge I missed out on, not internet knowledge. I’m so disappointed.

So, anyone want to venture a guess what the plan is should they run out of fuel? Pass out burritos and prune juice and ask everyone to make their way to the potty recently installed in the back?

Get it?

We won’t have to worry about that nasty diesel smell if you are near a running bus anymore. So it solves all sorts of problems. See, if the real world people will laugh, on the internet, some might laugh, others will be upset because I am making light of power of poo to save our world. Of course, I know that both sides are right. I throw a fit anytime anyone mis-pronounces Uranus. All those jokes are wasted because they aren’t saying the word right - I mean, no one makes a joke out of the vacation island of Phuket, do they?

Wait, I may not have made my point. Still, if poo can save us all then maybe I should start a grass roots movement to get all our city busses to run on it. Heck, maybe the city can use all that money they saved not buying fuel to lower my water bill.

Actually, why can’t we convert our cars to run on poo too? I don’t think it has to be human to work, it’s really just the methane released from little critters as they frolic in it. So where does that leave us. We could be switching over from an oil based economy to a poo based one. Those who control the poo control the world.

Makes me think of all those space race books I’ve read - the ones about the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo astronauts that just confounded me with all the stuff that they didn’t know about space flight. One of the common themes they all have is how poo was a big problem. Turns out that those old fellas had to poo in something like a sandwich bag, squirt some spermicide in there, then knead it through real well. If they didn’t those bags would quickly fill with methane and explode, I’m told more than one capsule that landed in the ocean was pretty nasty inside.

No big deal, we almost lost a shuttle due to a urine accident once. Going to the bathroom in space is possibly lethal. So we should just train the astronauts to just hold it until they get back…. Oh, might not be a problem now. Since, you know, we don’t actually have a manned program.

Sigh… and there you have it folks, a good reason I shouldn’t be encouraged to do a stream of consciousness sort of thing. The don’t generally go over real well.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That's a valuable load of crap!
Runs on poo? Please come to my state and gather all the pig poo you want.

Gail said...

What a wonderful idea as many people I know are full of poo!

You might be interested in the origin of the word S H I it, I promise you will be entertained.

Happy Halloween.

Cindy said...

Uh, interesting post. And btw..I'm trying to eat breakfast.

Rogue Mutt said...

"Of course I’m not interested, that’s not the point. I want to be invited so I can reject YOU."

Bwahahahahaha, yes, this is so true.

Michael Offutt said...

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome was a city in a post-apocalyptic setting that ran mostly on pig-shit. I've read that human meat tastes like pork (I guess cannibals have weighed in on the matter). Maybe they stole the idea from Mad Max and just didn't want any pigs around because humans are just as filthy, right?

Nancy said...

I've always been a much bigger fan of rejecting others than being rejected myself. In fact, I would like to find a way to apply that to the publishing industry. But as to the fueling method, I am impressed at someone's ingenuity, talk about a never ending supply, especially during flu season (ewwww).

Andrew said...

I read somewhere that there are some programs in the works to run things off of the methane that cows produce. Evidently, it's a lot. Enough that cows are one of the leading causes of global warming.

The Golden Eagle said...

That's an . . . interesting idea.

Rusty Webb said...

Alex - you say that now. But when he who owns the poo owns the world, you'll wish you didn't give it all away.

Gail - I'll check it out. Store High In Transit is the story I heard, although I don't believe it.

Cindy - Well, I wonder if people will no longer eat on buses if they run on poo. It would be like eating in a public restroom. Gross.

Rogue - Sad, I know. I can't help it.

Michael - Too funny. I think the real reason they go with the human poo is that the city sewage system was already there and the conversion process was kind of built onto the back of that.

Nancy - Yes, I'm sure the people of Norway shudder at the thought of a constipated population.

Andrew - I know there are companies that harness the methane that escapes from garbage dumps, and I've even heard of one that converts chicken bits into petroleum, but this one... this was new to me.

Rusty Webb said...

Eagle - Yes, yes it was.

Andrew said...

I wish I had a link for you, but I'm terrible at going back and finding articles. I'm unispired to spend a couple of hours looking to come up empty-handed. :/