Thursday, December 15, 2011

Bah Humbug Blahgfest

Grumpy Bulldog, formerly a Doctor, now a secret agent, is hosting the Bah Humbug Blahgfest and asked for 12 things about the holiday season that I hate…Be sure to check his blog for a list of all the other participants, as he has a list of all of them there. Okay then, here we go.

12) Irregular television programming: It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, but as recently as the 90’s, if you turned on the tv to watch Seinfeld at Christmas time you might end up having to see something like A Dianna Ross Christmas special. Or you want to catch the Misfits of Science and what is on instead? Rudolph and Prancer: A Love Story. Argh. Even if it’s shows I already watch, they’ll do this Christmas episode that gets needlessly sappy and weak. I’m waiting for a Christmas episode of Stephen Hawking’s Universe where he discusses Santa and the physics of worldwide present delivery. Ugh, I dread it already.

11) Crowds: My son’s headphones died and I need to get them replaced because they are under warranty at Best Buy. Well, try doing that at Christmastime. It’s like waiting in line to get Superbowl tickets. Lines go back for as far as the eye can see at every counter, the wait time is hours. I just want the damn headphones. I’m not purchasing a new stove for delivery on Christmas eve to grandma’s house… with a bow on top. Just give me my fµƆʁing headphones!!!... Sorry, I had a moment of anger there. My point, I don’t like the crowds.

10) Traffic: Of course, getting to Best Buy in the first place took an hour longer than it should have. But so does everything else. For 11 months out of the year I think I live in the perfect spot. A quiet neighborhood with a nice yard, but will all the luxuries of city life, movie theaters, shopping, restaurants, within minutes of my front door…. Except I can’t get milk at the gas station in December without fighting gridlock on the roads first, it reminds me of people evacuating a natural disaster, except there is no disaster, just cars everywhere.

9) The Weather: I hate the cold. Usually, March through November is tolerable, but December is when it gets bad. I get depressed and beg for relief. Please let global warming just give me this one thing: A toasty Christmas.

8) Presents: Not real, meaningful ones, but the crap people give out of obligation. $3 jewelry and $5 gift cards to Frank’s Tire Emporium. Billions are wasted every year on this future landfill.

7) Ungrateful Recipients: You know, I had to fight traffic for 4 hours, and stand in line for 90 minutes to get your stupid gift card for Frank’s Tire Emporium, be grateful. It was the only place open. Deal with it.

6) The Music: I don’t really like Christmas music. When I hear it piped through the speakers at the dentist’s office, the grocery store, the lobby of my office building, every other blog I follow, I just don’t care. My ears glaze over and I shut it out. If the music were that good, people would listen to it all year round.

My son say's he's a genius
5) Rap Music: Originally, this spot was for people who were a little too much into the Christmas spirit, but I was having a hard time making my point. Then I thought, what do I really hate most about this time of year? And it hit me, Rap music. Now, Rap music is something I hate worse than Christmas music, that I can’t funnel it into a mere month long period of time makes it worse. But no, my son thinks Rap is great, and his mission in life is to present me with a rap song I will like. I have honestly broken down and started shouting at him over it. He just won’t give up, and they all keep on sucking. Why do I hate it, well, at first it was just a general, “it’s not my thing” but as I’ve been exposed to it more and more I’ve grown to hate it like I hate very few things in my life. I hate a whole genre of music now, that’s a lot of hate. Thanks son.

4) The Religious Aspect: Okay, back to Christmas stuff. I know, the whole point of Christmas is that it’s about the birth of Jesus – but here’s the thing - it isn’t. It’s more like someone took every wintertime celebration they could find during the middle ages, threw them into a blender, drank it, and pooped out Christmas. I would think most Christians would want Christ taken out of the holiday, it seems… I don’t know, disrespectful. I like the story that Odin would fly through the sky on his 8 legged horse on a great hunt, and children would leave treats for him by their hearth as he passed by their house at night. In gratitude, he would leave them presents in return, well, that’s familiar. There are tons of Christian traditions that are more ancient still, but the point I’m making is that the Christmas traditions most of us know now has nothing to do the Jesus. Doesn’t it cheapen the experience to throw him in there? Either way, when people start getting up in arms about it being this super holy Christian holiday I have to disagree.

3) The Secular Complaining: Taking the nativity off of government funded facilities. Ridiculous. If my courthouse erected a 17 foot tall totem every year in honor of a Native American holiday I wouldn’t care about that either. Granted, I might not be happy if they are spending money on it – I’d rather see them spend money on better public transportation, or fixing pot holes - but the thing about taxation is that you don’t really get to dictate what they spend your money on, because it isn’t your money after the government gets it, it’s theirs, they can do what they want. There are limits for sure, but those little nativity scenes have not crossed any lines.

2) People Who Don’t Celebrate: Party poopers. Every one.*

1) Me: Yes, much like that guy from the movie with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman, I have reserved the final judgment for myself. For complaining so much.

And that’s pretty much it. Just so we all know, there is a lot I love about the holiday too. But that wouldn’t be in keeping with the spirit of the blahgfest, but rest assured. I find enjoyment at this time of year.

*not everyone. I can make exceptions for those with deep seated emotional scars that stem from some holiday tragedy.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Frank's Tire Emporium gives out gift cards? Who knew?
Traffic is insane, shopping is insane. And people wonder why I hide in my house and shop online. Wait, I do that all the time anyway. God Bless iTunes and NewEgg.
Every party needs a pooper. Makes the rest of us dig in that much harder!

Pk Hrezo said...

So a rap song about Xmas would really drive a nail through your brain, huh?
This made me laugh aloud... so true! And about the religious aspect, I totally agree. And if you do your research, you'll find that there is no hard proof that Jesus was born on Dec. 25th, nor is there anywhere in the Bible that suggests we remember the day of Jesus' birth as a celebration day. It's very much a Catholic proclaimed holiday. But hey, if peeps wanna take the time to remember Jesus one day a year, Let them, right?
i don't say that as anti-Christian, but as a Protestant. I go to church every Sunday... but the whole Xmas thing has gotten out of hand.

Melissa Bradley said...

LOL Great list. I have to say that Christmas music on there for me along with the extra traffic. And all those cheesy Christmas movies. Humbug!

mooderino said...

I feel you just aren't giving rap music a chance. Let me just find my copy of "Santa and his Ho, Ho, Hoes" and I'll prove it to you.

Grumpy Bulldog, Secret Agent said...

Those XMas gift exchanges at the office are the worst. I'm glad we only did that one year because it's so annoying. Actually I should have added that to my list.

Thanks for participating!

Jay Noel said...

I think it's hilarious how identical our list is. Kinda weird.

Hey, I just dropped over $500 at Frank's Tire Emporium. I could have used a few hundred gift cards.

Gail said...

I do dislike Rap...don't want to hear it one little bit and I'm pretty open with music...blues, classical, Rock and roll, elevator music, and even Gregorian Chants, with every thing in between except rap. I am so thankful my grandson is not into this...but AC/DC is getting old, too...whoops, they are old!

Every year I am morphing more into the ulitmate Scrooge...the beginning one, not the new improved Scrooge at the end of the story.

Angela Scott said...

Christmas music drives me crazy. The same old songs playing over and over year after year. I suck I know. I should love it, but I don't. I just keep listening to the same music I always listen to.

Cindy said...

I know what you mean about odd gifts. When I was a kid one of my relatives, would give me an ornament as a gift. A hand made one that in no way did I appreciate.

Chippy said...

You tried to get something replaced? During the Christmas shopping season? That's madness!!!

Andrew said...

I like your list better than mine, so I'm just going to point people to it and tell them you stole it from me. :P

Christine Rains said...

Rap. *shudders* I agree with you about the traffic, cheap gifts, and the religious aspect. I like the weather, though. Yeah, I must be part frost giant or something.

David P. King said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David P. King said...

Your #4 cracked me up! And I did not know that story about Odin. I need to brush up on my Norse. :)

The Golden Eagle said...

I really don't like the TV programming, either. Crowd bother me as well; I've managed not to set foot in the mall yet this holiday season, and I want to keep it that way.

julie fedderson said...

Whenever I see those nativity scenes, I want to steal the baby Jesus and put him in photos, like they do with Flat Stanley. Which is wrong on so many levels. And going to Best Buy at Christmas makes me want to shove a pen in my eye.

Heather said...

Popped over as part of the blahg fest, loved your list! I should've put ungrateful recipients as my number one, that drives me crazy! I'll be back to visit again!

Heather said...

Popped over as part of the blahg fest, loved your list! I should've put ungrateful recipients as my number one, that drives me crazy! I'll be back to visit again!

Briane P said...

Rusty: "The 10 Best Christmas Rap Songs."

I'm with you on the weather. Yesterday, as Sweetie and I were buying yet another industrial-strength sized packet of cold medicine, I said "Do you suppose people down south spend from October to May hacking and coughing and sneezing and blowing their nose?"

We both supposed they do NOT.

Plus, you single out both religious and secular complainers -- nicely done!