I’ve been inspired, of sorts, to live healthy. Now, it was a spur of the moment decision, so I have had some stumbling blocks. But I figured I would spell out a bit of what it was like to be me for a day.
Sunday night, my wife and I drew a line in the sand and decided Monday was going to be day 1 of our new life. No more poor diet and no exercise. The plan? Monday morning, up early to make a healthy breakfast and to take extra time to pack a healthy lunch and a gym bag so I can go workout on my lunch hour.
6:15 a.m. – Alarm goes off. Wife points out that she has to leave for work in 30 minutes. There isn’t enough time to cook. We go back to bed.
7:00 a.m. – Wife has already left for work. I get up and find my stomach is upset. I spend the next hour in the bathroom. Cursing the ethnic food I ate the night before that did this to me.
8:00 a.m. – I text my boss to inform him that I’m, er, indisposed at the moment, and am not at work. I tell him to expect me soon.
8:30 a.m. – after a shower and change of clothes, I rush off to work. I did not take my gym bag. I did not eat breakfast. I’m very hungry. I do grab a lean cuisine from the freezer on my way out the door.
8:55 a.m. – I arrive at work. Too hungry to think properly. I go to vending area and get a relatively healthy almond nut bar. 160 calories, more sugar than necessary.
9:02 a.m. – First meeting of the day hasn’t quite started. I notice a few dozen cupcakes by my desk.
9:17 a.m. – meeting over. I avoid temptation and eat my almond nut bar. Those cupcakes stay on my desk.
10:30 a.m. – the lady who brought the cupcakes and set them on my desk (because of it’s awesome, centralized location) encourages me to have one. I resist. However, the almond nut bar I had earlier was really small and I’m hungry enough that I’m getting a headache.
11:29 a.m. – I can’t take it anymore. I get up to go to a restaurant for lunch. I remember I have my lean cuisine. I curse. Then go warm it up in the microwave.
11:38 a.m. – I’ve eaten my lunch. I’m still very hungry.
11:45 a.m. – I have a cupcake. It’s peanut butter. It’s homemade and very good.
12:36 p.m. – I have another.
2:24 p.m. - and another.
3:55 p.m. – and another.
5:00 p.m. – cupcake lady comes by, sees few remaining cupcakes and decides to take them home. Her departure kept me from eating another one.
5:15 p.m. – Still very hungry. Also have the shakes from too much sugar. I return to vending area for food. I intend to get a snickers bar.
5:18 p.m. – I hate our snack vendor. There are no snickers bars. There are no milky way caramel. I decide I’ve had way to much sugar already. I decide to skip the three musketeers and eat a handful of almonds instead.
5:26 p.m. – I lick the salt from the almonds and dream of eating meat. I wonder if a filet mignon burger is a real thing. I wonder what bread you could put on it. I decide I want one.
5:28 p.m. – I decide putting ketchup or mustard on filet mignon would be a travesty. I consider other possible condiments. I’m thinking hollandaise sauce might work. Or a garlic butter. Or both.
6:09 p.m. – I think that if I’m served salad tonight, it will be made up of 80% dressing. And topped with breaded meats. In fact, I might get Chinese food, something like sesame chicken (minus the sesame sauce) and just drop the chicken over the salad.
6:10 p.m. – I realize I’d be an idiot to not use the sesame sauce. Maybe I can invent a new kind of salad too. To be served before my filet-o-burger. I also remember that I was going to work out today.
7:05 p.m. – I get home to find that my wife is making some Asian dish that is very similar in form to a lettuce wrap. Actually, it is a lettuce wrap. She has veggies cut, sauces all over the counter, and cooked meat (ground chicken) already browned. I decide immediately that I need to help.
7:40 p.m. – I’ve ruined supper. Apparently, throwing in half a shaker of five spice is a bit much. After putting the food in the strainer and rinsing it thoroughly with water, it’s still not eatable. We have to throw it out.
8:49 p.m. – I have drank most of a 2 liter of soda in an attempt to get that feeling of fullness that I need. I’m still hungry, but gassy to boot. I call the day a failure and hope to do better tomorrow.*
* Since I wrote this later in the week, I can tell you that I most definitely do better the next day.