The great Alex J Cavanaugh has given us a noble task of venting all our writerly neurosis onto the world on the first Wednesday of each month. I, as part of my new year’s resolution, decided to be more awesome this year, actually that was my only resolution. I’m already on pace to brush my teeth more often and I parted my hair for work today. Oh, I also did ALL the dirty laundry yesterday. So, I can pretty much mark off my resolution as mission accomplished for 2013.
Where was I? Oh, well, we’ll just call the fact that this post did not go up this morning as my first big oopsie of the year. See, I got my days a bit mixed up. I thought internet-wise that today was Tuesday (in the real world, I knew it was Wednesday – there is a downside to the ability to compartmentalize, leads to contradictory beliefs).
So anyway, all that aside, today is my day to vent. Ready?
I haven’t written a word of fiction since October.
Nothing. Nada. What have I been doing. Well, outlining, breaking down my WIP into small chunks and carefully reviewing each scene. Nominally, I hope to make it better. Really, I’m stalling. I have to change my ‘about me’ page to reflect my self-published novella coming out later than I said it would. I’ve just not done a thing.
And that’s weird to me, I was on quite a roll I think for a lot of the year. My actual wordcount may not have been ridiculously high for the year, but I did write something in the neighborhood of a dozen stories – I’d say on average about 5k words per. I liked them all, more or less. I did leave a few unfinished, but for the most part, I didn’t leave many things undone.
Then it all came to a screeching halt. Not just writing, but everything related to it. I didn’t think of it at the time, but if I were get all analytical with myself, I think I had a crisis around the time I hit 40. I realized that I’m getting older, I’ve got a family that I’ve been neglecting, and job that is getting more and more demanding with each passing day, and quite honestly, I’m not sure my level of craft is good enough to warrant continuing to spend so much time dedicating towards it.
So, I don’t decide anything, I just flounder about and hope I’m hit with a flash of inspiration that allows me to be better at everything, and have more time to do everything. I’m hoping that talking about it gets it all out of my system and I can move forward.
Wish me luck on that.