The months keep whizzing right on by. Can't believe another month has gone by since the last post I've made as my part of The Insecure Writer's Support Group, as hosted by Alex J Cavanaugh (who by the way, saw his novel, CassaStar, hit the top 10 in space opera on Amazon last weekend. Good job, dude!).
This is always difficult for me, not because I don't feel insecure, but because I'm not sure I can articulate all that mess that is going on in my head and it come out in a way that the reader can understand. Well, there's that, and I can kind of be like that guy, the one that just broke up with his girlfriend and won't stop talking about it. I mean, at first you try to be supportive, you listen as he tells you about how much he cared for her, how she crapped all over him, how she was so awful when they were together. How much better it will be now that she's gone.
Then, the next day, he says the same thing. The second time through you kind of figure he just needs to get it out of his system, and you try your best to come up with a reason to leave. Then before you know it, it's been two weeks and every time you've seen or talked to the guy he's trying to corner you so he can complain about his crazy ex-girlfriend.
Well, I've been on both sides of that. I've been that guy who can't shut up,and I've been that guy who takes the long way to the bathroom at work because I'm avoiding that other guy.
So, now I'm here, given the freedom to talk about what I'm feeling insecure about. Well, in the immortal words of Dave Coverdale, "Here I go again."
No, wait. I don't want to go there again this month. What am I insecure about? Well, among other things. I'm afraid that I'm going to give up one day. I have a history of it. My rock star dreams, my artist dreams, even my photography dreams. I don't trust future me to want the same things that present day me wants.
I don't trust me to pursue my dreams. Again, I've gone to school to be a bible scholar, a biologist, an accountant, and have pursued none of those things. I dreamed of being an actor, but never auditioned for anything. I'm tired of obsessing over something new every 5 or 6 years. Dammit, I'm done with my wanderlust.
I'm a writer. I hope.